Cry

Staring at this blank page... it feels seemingly impossible to fill this empty space. But the irony in that is my mind is completely void of elbow room because of all the thoughts taking refuge there. Each beat of my heart feels an oz heavier than the last beat and my tear ducts are approaching Katrina levy levels, yet I cannot cry. How did I get back here? Immediately my mind fills with flashes of light from the good times. All the things that made me laugh, the flashes or the butterflies in the pit of my stomach as i await your arrival, and last but certainly not least, the flashes of passion that are enough to make you think i've wet the bed... But as the viewfinder of my mind slows...and i'm reminded of it's abrupt end. The Denouement has come before the climax...There is that heavy feeling in my chest again..."weight on my chest like i body build" (J.Cole)... that line hit home now... and just for the sake of insanity i search my brain for the reason why...I mean it's VVS diamond clear that there is no answer to be found but as i stated previously...its just for the sake of insanity that i search for the clues that i missed, the warning signs that i passed, the laws that i broke, to get me here. With all the walls raised and the pad lock with no key hole surrounding my heart... how is it that it's broken again? I think for the first time in my life i'm too hurt to cry. Too hurt to cry? Yeah that's it... I'm too hurt to cry. Its almost as if my tears would be a shallow insult to the pain my heart feels. After all tears are overused and undervalued. Tears of joy, tears of anguish, tears of fear or shallow pain felt from a surface wound. For some reason tears just don't seem to be enough right now. So... what is? Do i have to write a love ballot that makes the world cry for you to understand my pain? Do I have to act out in a love/hate revenge that lands me on top story for National News? Do i have to jump from the top of the highest skyscraper i can find just to make you see how grave the pain is? But then it would be too late... I mean THEN you might understand... but would you be able to cry?